Tariffs and Squirrels: Trump’s Trade Strategy Has the Same Survival Rate
By: Lotus, the World's Wisest (and Most Judgemental) Feline
Tariffs and Squirrels: Trump’s Trade Strategy Has the Same Survival Rate
By: Lotus, the World's Wisest (and Most Judgemental) Feline
Let me paint you a picture. A squirrel darts onto a busy city street. He stops. He panics. He bolts left, then right, then spins like he just licked an exposed wire. Horns blare. Cars swerve. Somehow, against all odds, he lives—only to do the same thing again five minutes later.
Congratulations. You’ve just watched Donald J. Trump negotiate trade policy.
Specifically, we’re talking tariffs—his favorite economic toy, blunt-force political tool, and utterly deranged campaign promise. The former president is once again blustering about 60% tariffs on Chinese imports, waving them around like a raccoon wielding a taser. He’s not interested in strategy. He’s interested in chaos. And baby, chaos is expensive.
Let’s pounce on this.
The Squirrel-in-Chief
There is no plan. That’s the plan. Trump’s entire trade doctrine is built on vibes and vengeance. He doesn’t understand global supply chains, import-export balances, or why arbitrarily slapping tariffs on goods tends to backfire like a Walmart fireworks display.
In 2018, he kicked off a trade war with China that cratered American agriculture, drove up costs for manufacturers, and handed international competitors a front-row seat to our economic tantrum. Farmers had to be bailed out with tens of billions of taxpayer dollars. Prices rose. Jobs got squeezed. And for what? A "deal" that wasn’t a deal and a deficit that didn’t budge.
Now, he wants to run it back.
This is the economic equivalent of the squirrel pausing in the middle of the street, getting hit by a Prius, then limping back for round two. Only now, he’s asking you to cheer him on while your vet bill triples.
Who Pays for This Nonsense?
You. Yes, you with the fancy phone and the modest grocery bill that already feels like extortion. Tariffs are taxes, and they don’t get paid by China or some far-off villain in a kung-fu movie. They get paid by American companies. And those companies pass the costs on to you.
That 60% tariff Trump is floating? It’s a neon sign that reads: Enjoy your $4 socks and $3,000 iPhone while they last, sucker.
And it doesn’t stop with consumer goods. Industries from automotive to technology to textiles will see prices surge. Small businesses that rely on affordable imports? They’ll suffer first. Workers will follow. And the catnip economy? Don’t even get me started.
Economic Nationalism or Just National Narcissism?
Trump calls this “economic nationalism.” But like most things he brands, it’s just ego wrapped in patriotism drag.
There’s a difference between protecting domestic industry and nuking the supply chain because a Chinese diplomat once called you short. Real trade policy requires nuance, long-term thinking, and the ability to distinguish a lever from a live wire. Trump can’t be bothered. He just wants to dominate the headlines, hurt the people he thinks slighted him, and feed the MAGA mob’s appetite for strongman cosplay.
He’s not building a wall around the economy—he’s digging a hole under it and selling shovels at a markup.
Lotus’ Trade Doctrine: Keep Your Claws Sharp and Your Supply Chain Sharper
If I were in charge—and frankly, I should be—I’d approach trade like I approach furniture: with quiet precision and the occasional claw when necessary. You don’t declare war on the couch just because one cushion smells weird. You assess. You adapt. You hide under it until you have leverage.
Trade should work the same way. You build relationships. You target bad actors with scalpel-like precision. And if you must impose tariffs, you do it with a strategy, not because your ego got bruised by a yuan.
Also, just as a sidebar: any human still trusting Trump with economic policy should be required to spend one hour watching squirrels try to cross I-95. That’s your fiscal forecast, folks. Don’t blame the cat when the acorns run dry.
Closing Purrs
Trump’s tariff antics aren’t policy. They’re performance. And while his base might eat it up like day-old cheeseburgers on Air Force One, the rest of us have to deal with the inflation hangover, the disrupted trade alliances, and the creeping sense that our economic future is being led by a squirrel in a windstorm.
Don’t get distracted by the noise. Watch the road. And if you must chase squirrels, do it with claws, not chaos.
If you're tired of economic whiplash and squirrel-brained governance, follow Lotus. I'm the only one in the room with actual instincts, a working memory, and the decency not to piss on your shoes while pretending it's policy.
Follow Lotus for more cat-level clarity in a dog-and-pony world.
#TrumpTariffs #TradeTantrums #EconomicChaos #LotusKnowsBest #CatTakesOnCapitalism
